WEBVTT

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[music]

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It was in June of,

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I think it was 2000 and 2. I couldn\'t go

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to sleep. I felt that there was
something really, really wrong. So

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I called her cell phone and I left and message,
and I said, I know there\'s something wrong.

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I don\'t care what time it
is, please call me, and I

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will be there. At about 1:30 she called,

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and she said \'Mom you have to come.
And she was the one who said, Mom

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I\'ve got to go to the hospital.
And I said Ok lets talk about it.

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So on the way to the hospital I asked
what had happened, what she had done. And

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she said I took an overdose of my
pills mom, I just wanted to die.

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It still hurts it still hurts.

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And every time she goes through this,

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you know, even though I know she\'s
better than she was before,

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at the back of your mind there\'s still that

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that gnawing feeling that it can
happen again. That something, someone

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can cause her... to go

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to that extreme. She\'s
vowed that she will never

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let anything, or anyone, but
in mental illness you never

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ever know.

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[music]

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It makes me feel really worried,

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because I don\'t know how extreme it will be.
.There are times when it is not extreme

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and you know, you catch it in time and
it\'s, you an get it under control, in

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no time. Whether it\'s with an
adjustment of medication or just, um,

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refocusing on, on, on, the life style. What

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she\'s doing, compared to
what she should do. Um,

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so it\'s, it\'s, it\'s unnerving. Um,

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it\'s worrisome, when you know
there is not much you can do.

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Except alert her to the fact
that, you know, slow down

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something is happening.

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Well I give it a day or two
because, if she doesn\'t get out of

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whatever state, uh, she\'s in.
In that time I feel

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it\'s serious enough to
warrant some extra, um,

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help. So I usually, um, intervene.

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You know, a day or two, two days max.

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All right, um, how was your, um, visited,
the doctor, the last visit? What, um,

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what was his suggestion? Doubled my
anti-depressant, as we had discussed before.

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Ok, um-hmm. Just to get me through June.
Yeah, yeah I know June is very bad

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month. And you will certainly work, uh,
every possible way to get you through.

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I\'ve noticed that, you know,
since the, the, the change

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in the medication, or decrease, or
increase of whatever your doing. There

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has been a change. Cause you certainly
have lifted from the, down in the dumps.

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How do I help pave the most as
part of her support team. Well,

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I listen to her. And not just listen I

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hear what she\'s saying. I talk about

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Paige\'s illness quite openly.
Um, it\'s not taboo, its not

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hush-hush. My family and friends,
all of them know. They all are

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very, very supportive. We,
we, we make the network

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huge. So that anyone who
talks to her realizes,

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that she is having a down period. They
can help her if I\'m not available.

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Don\'t be afraid. Don\'t

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be ashamed of the stigma.
That is attached to mental

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illness. Speak out, help
your loved one as much as

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you can, anyway you can. Um, fight

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the stigma. Do volunteer work. Get,

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be an advocate, for, mental,
the mentally ill people.

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Because that\'s the only way we
can help our ill relatives,

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is by being educated ourselves, and educating the
people at large. Penny\'s disease first manifested

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itself as depression. Uh, around 1990
or so she started to get depressed.

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At that point she was in private
practice as, uh, a psychiatrist. And

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as time went on, I had to more and more cancel patients, because she
wasn\'t well enough to see them. Then in 1994 she had to stop working.

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And, uh, she hasn\'t been able
to work since then. (inaudible)

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is the word I suppose, for someone
who is as competent, and as caring,

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and as effective in her job as she was.
To not be able to work anymore.

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So over the course of, uh, I guess beginning around this time
of year, throughout the summer, she became hypo manic. Then

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more and more up towards mania. Then eventually she had
a full blown psychotic episode. It was really bad, she

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almost died. Um, she was
convinced that she had, um,

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diabetes mellitus. Which is some sort of a
imbalance of, the, um, potassium in the body.

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And so she was taking, at the end she was taking,
uh, over the counter potassium in large doses.

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And when we finally did get her into the hospital into the
emergency department her potassium level was at, about 10

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apparently most, a lot of people are dead by the time their
potassium level gets to 10. They had to put her in the

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step down unit which is, uh, intensive care. And, sorta
do, dialysis. And spend three, three or four days trying

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to get her back to normal. And, uh, because I
work with some of the doctors down there, when

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I went in that night. And one of my friends, the physician
that, uh, was my boss in one of my jobs at that time.

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Took a look at what was going on, he turned and he looked
at me and he said, Lloyd how could you let this happen?

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And I, I had no answer for him. You
know, the, uh, she was convincing,

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she was very convincing that this is what she needed to
do. She, I just went along with what, what she wanted.

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To the point where she almost died.

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Give me a call when (inaudible)

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tomorrow this place to get the
phones set up (inaudible)

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(crosstalk) get in contact. Sure.
I was gonna do that tomorrow

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anyway. Uh-hmm, That\'s
pretty exciting (inaudible)

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in July. (inaudible)

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(inaudible)

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both (inaudible)

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Um-hmm.

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When she\'s been in hospital, um,
you know that particular time

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6 years ago, there was one period for about
3 weeks were she wouldn\'t let me come

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in to visit her. Uh, because she was convinced I
was on their side, because I sorta signed the, uh,

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for her to be treated against her will. And I was happy she
was in the hospital. But at the same time it was very, very

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difficult to, uh, to, uh, have the
person you feel closet to in the world

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rejecting you and thinking you, your part of the
enemy. After 3 ½ months in the hospital she came home

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for a few months and spiraled down
into depression reasonably quickly.

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And, uh, for a period of two to
three months she spent 20 to 22

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hours a day in bed. I\'d feed her; get
her up for short periods of time.

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And, um, she was seeing a psychiatrist again.
An outside psychiatrist, and that person had

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her on some anti-depressants
which began to lift the, uh,

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the depression. But what happens in a case like
that, usually that the energy comes back before

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the depressive thoughts and the suicidal
ideation and all that stuff starts to,

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to go away. And so one day when she was starting to feel a little
better physically, she caught a taxi and went down to the lake

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to drown herself. Uh, she was
fortunately able to, not

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do that. She came back home she told me what she had
done. I got a hold of that psychiatrist, and, uh,

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within a half an hour he was up his paper in case he
needed it. And we had her back in the hospital. This was a

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three month stay this time. They
determined that she needed, uh,

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ECT to get her out of the depression
again, because they had the, um, the, um,

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power of attorney. I was able to agree that this
needed to be done. It\'s a very difficult decision

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to have to make to decide that, um,
someone you love is going to be

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shocked until they convulse. And there gonna
be done, it\'s gonna be done repeatedly. Um,

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but a series of about 14 shock
treatments over about a month

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or five weeks or so did seem to turn the
trick. So I would say most of the time

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we have a partnership again. If Penny gets really,
really ill, just as if I got really, really ill

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with some sort of serious illness, um, then of course
things change. And then it becomes much more priority

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to just, dolt as much time and effort as
possible to, uh, first of just preserve

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the other person\'s life. And in mental illnesses that\'s
always the problem because about 15% of people with

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bi-polar illness will eventually commit suicide. About
10% of people with schizophrenia will commit suicide. So

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there is a genuine need there to
make sure the person stays alive.

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Get them some help, help them to
get better. Take care of yourself.

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I don\'t know if we can get it in.

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Oh yeah, just erase this. I was telling
a friend that I was having trouble

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deciding how to pack. And she was mentally ill too and she said,
you just pack your medication. Anything else you can buy.

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I\'d say, um, make sure you know who your relative\'s doctor
is. What they are being treated with, the medications

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et cetera. Find out what you need to do to get
them help, if they are having an episode.

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Uh, get your relative to give you
power of attorney if at all possible

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for medical treatment for sure, for financial,
things like that, as possible as well.

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Um, build up your own support network to take care of yourself,
and realize that you know, no matter how sick the other

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person is you still have to live your life. If you, if we allow[00;11:30]someone
with a major illness whether it\'s again, cancer, or heart disease or mental illness

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to uh, to take all the joy out of
our lives, then what\'s the point.

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Because all we have is now. I
need a hug kiddo. Ok dear.

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I love you Penney. I love you too Lloyd.

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I think anyone who sticks with a person
with mental illness is heroic. Uh,

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they show an awful lot of courage. An awful lot of
tenacity, and awful lot of stamina. And awful lot of, um,

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uh, empathy. An awful lot
of, um, responsibility.

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You a reasonable responsible adult human beings who
are trying there, uh, best to help another person.

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Well Eleanor was a real special
person to me. I had never met anyone

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like her. Uh, when I told her, (inaudible)

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you know,

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when I told her about myself
she was open and she,

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she was listening and she was, I, she came across
to me as a person who was really grounded,

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really well. And, I could talk to her.
I could actually talk to her,

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and she listened. And she, she
made comments and stuff like that.

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She\'s a great listener,
and, uh, and also she was a

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soul mate because, uh, you know I was
in this situation where I denying that

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I had anything wrong with me. And I couldn\'t
figure out how I could get a partner because I

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wouldn\'t know what I\'d do with my medication. Where would I
hide all of the medication. How would I explain the medication?

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I was so out of touch with, you know, myself
that I, I, I, couldn\'t imagine living

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with a person. But, but, but,
Eleanor not only, you know was a

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soul mate. She also accepted the
fact that I needed medication,

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and she did too. So there
was nothing to hide.

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We didn\'t have any secrets. We, we could tell each other
stories to each other and we could talk and talk on end.

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My turn to roll, that goes up here right?

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Ok... Three,

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uh, blue.

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What\'s the most famous restaurant
in Stock Bridge, Massachusetts?

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Oh no... And I know it right? I\'ve... I
don\'t know. I\'ve head of it though, eh?

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Maybe? Could you give me a hint?
I don\'t know, Guthrie(ph)

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That\'s his? His restaurant? No
(crosstalk) that\'s the hint.

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Oh, I give up. Alice\'s Restaurant. Oh my.

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Yeah. Like for a couple of years there I,

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I was under the delusion that the, the
radio was doing something to me. Like I,

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like someone at the radio station knew me or
something like that. And I would put ads in

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the newspaper and Eleanor would help me. She would pay for them, and
I would put ads in the newspaper. And it was a total, a total trip.

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You know it had this whole sense
of reality it was, it was skewed.

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Eleanor couldn\'t understand it. And I\'d talk to my sisters
about it, and they said nobody would ever understand that.

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But it was, like I was posting messages.
Like you,

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like you would in a blurb, blog? A blog?
In the personals, you know.

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And then one day I just woke
up and I thought. Well no,

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that\'s not, that\'s not the way it is.
And I, it just went away. On its own.

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So I spend a lot of time in here reading
books about, such, such books that help

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me in, uh, coping. And, uh,
I, in here I have all my,

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a lot of my memories from when I was
an electrician and when I had hobbies.

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And, uh, you know its just
ah source of strength

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for me, uh, to be able
to have my own space.

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He, I don\'t react to him now. That\'s one thing the
psychiatrist taught me. Was... Yeah. you know,

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ok Don has this delusion,
and he really believes it.

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I mean he\'s right in the middle of it. But
the psychiatrist said, don\'t you react.

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Because it will go away. And it does.
Well when Eleanor\'s mother

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died, she went into a really
deep depression. And, uh,

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I had lost my father several years before.
And I knew how devastating it was.

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I mean it was just totally devastating
for her. And I managed to try to

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cheer up, she didn\'t go into the hospital
or anything. I managed to keep her,

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keep her happy, keep her like we, busy.
We were busy. We\'d go out to play bingo,

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she doesn\'t like bingo, she I, she never did like
bingo, but I took her to play bingo anyway. And I,

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I\'m not sure how much of a help
I was in making her happy.

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But we\'d go dancing, and, like, you know,
like she had depression and it was,

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you know, it was a tough time for her.
And, uh, to this day she attributes

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me, uh, trying to, uh, trying
to make her happy to, you know

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keeping her out of the hospital, right?
When I was really depressed.

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I don\'t think I appreciated it as much.

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But when I started to get better I
realized just how wonderful he had been,

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and how much he had put up with.
I can recognize when

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Don starts, uh, talking

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a lot, and he gets agitated, and he paces.

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That something\'s really bothering him.

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He has a lot of anxiety. And he worries
a lot about what people think.

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And, I try to talk to him about that,

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because I don\'t worry about what people
think. She\'s the reader and, uh,

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and, uh, you know I\'m a thinker. And,

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when she reads, I think and you know,
I mean, and, and we hold each other.

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And we, we, we truly care deeply
about one, how we are, together,

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you know. And, uh, if
Eleanor\'s not feeling well I,

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I can tell and I ask her. And I try
to see if its, if it\'s something

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that can be done about it.
And what do you think El?

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Yeah, I mean I think we have
so much open communication.

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I\'m not afraid to say anything to Don and I
don\'t think he\'s afraid to say anything to me.

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I think we can be honest
with each other. And

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that really, really doesn\'t
make it difficult. I,

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I take care of Don, and he takes care of
me. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. you know

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like he said, things he can do, I can\'t do.

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And things that I can do that he can\'t do.
Like I\'m really good at budgeting,

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and he goes through money
like water, so, I mean

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we talk about anything we\'re gonna buy. Don

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doesn\'t go out and buy anything
without consulting with me.

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And we manage because of that, to do OK

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financially.

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One of the things I do for Eleanor, is
Eleanor can\'t drive. So she bought a car

00:18:55.000 --> 00:18:59.999
and I drive her, we drive together
everywhere. Like we, we go out for dinner.

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And so we\'re mobile, because she can
afford the car and I can drive.

00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:09.999
Is that honest? Is that honest
(crosstalk) to both of us? Yeah.

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And it says like, first do this,
then do that, then do this

00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:19.999
and how to fill out the form. And you
have to fill out the form really

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carefully. And put everything down.
Like when I did CPP, I put

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everything down that I\'ve had since birth. Oh
well, I\'ll probably succeed with my disability,

00:19:30.000 --> 00:19:34.999
if you help me fill out the form. Yeah. What,
what I want to say is, just because your,

00:19:35.000 --> 00:19:39.999
you still have a life, we still
have a life just because we\'re, uh,

00:19:40.000 --> 00:19:44.999
disabled in some way. Yeah, yeah. We can still be happy, and
we can... Oh yeah, yeah... still do things we want to do and

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everything. And as people tell us that,
you\'re so lucky to have each other, you know

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to share your lives together. Like it makes such a
difference to have a partner, to have a wife! We\'re

00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:59.999
not just partners, we\'re... we\'re married.
Like, you know, so it\'s crazy

00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.999
and, and, and, and the doctors will
say its quite unusual for two people

00:20:05.000 --> 00:20:09.999
who are mentally disabled to have a
really functional emotional relationship,

00:20:10.000 --> 00:20:14.999
you know. So we\'re doing,
I think we\'re doing ok.

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I don\'t know. We have some
friends that have mental

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illness and are desperately lonely.
You know, they

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would give anything to have a partner
that understood them, and that they could

00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:34.999
be with.

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[music]