WEBVTT

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[music]

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This is my mom, Margaret.

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She lives in Winnipeg, Manitoba.
This is my mom, Tina.

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She lives in Redding, Pennsylvania.
This is my dad, Bob.

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He’s a minister in a Lutheran church.

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This is my brother Ashok. These are
my sisters, Chrissy and Meghan.

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These are my sisters, Avery and Gretel.

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This is my family, the Sullivans.

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This is my family, the Kaltenbaughs.

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And this is me, Curtis. I was born to
Roulette, but along with my brother, Ashok,

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I was raised a Kaltenbaugh in Pennsylvania.

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When I turned 30, I began
to wonder how I fit in

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with these two families.

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[music]

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My brother, Ashok, and I were
taken the Pennsylvania in 1982

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by our new parents, Bob
and Tina Kaltenbaugh.

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I was seven and he was four.

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[music]

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My dad has been a pastor for 30 years.

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I can’t imagine him being anything else.

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Gentlemen, start your markers.

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My mom is approaching 60
faster than she’d like.

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But her energy and enthusiasm
remain undiminished.

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She helps out at the church, working
with neighborhood children.

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[music]

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Life with the Kaltenbaughs
was vastly different

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from the life Ashok and I had known.

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For one thing, we were part
of a stable family now.

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Our lives revolved around the church
and there were a lot of good times.

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And yet, I was always waiting for the rug

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to be pulled out from under us.

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Life seemed too good to be true.

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[sil.]

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When I turned 18, I came back to Winnipeg,
not really intending to stay long

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but after 15 years I’m still here.

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Part of the reason is my
relationship to my birth mom,

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Margaret and her family.
After we were adopted,

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she had two more children, both girls.

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Now, she’s a grandma to eight grandchildren
and works at a women’s shelter.

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There’s a lot of love between us but

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I’m not as close as she’d like me to be.

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[sil.]

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On the outside, I look like an Indian.

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But my family here often
chastises me for acting white.

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But that’s how I was raised.

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Although I live here in Winnipeg,
I still maintain close ties

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with my adoptive parents in Pennsylvania.

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Two families, two races,

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two very different worlds.
Sometimes it sort of feels like

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there are two of me.

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One Curtis relates to the (inaudible),
the other to the Kaltenbaughs,

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but neither feels entirely authentic.

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[sil.]

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I decided to try and bring these
two parts of myself together.

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So I’ve asked both families
if they’d be willing to meet

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and both have nervously agreed.

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Phew,

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I… well, Curtis said he’d like to get
going this afternoon and go see Margaret.

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Yes. Meet Margaret. Oh, boy.

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Today, I only want what’s best for my son,

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what’s best for my kids.
So I agreed to meet this…

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this family. Being a mother,

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you have a fierce heart for your children.

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These people that adopted my sons also
had to have a fierce love and them

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to raise them all these
years that I was not there.

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And I feel today kind of anxious
and nervous at the same time.

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I’m not scared, just,

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umm… anxious to see and
find out about things.

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Carter says she’s feeling positive about
this. Yeah… yeah, I heard him say that.

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So I trust that, his intuition on it.

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I think it’s going to be fine. I think it’s going to
be a lot more than fine. But I’m anxious to see this…

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this and it just kind of walk in and see

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what happens next and
enjoy it, learn from it.

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Have everything? Ticket, parking ticket.
Car keys? Car keys in my pocket.

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Hotel room key? Room key
in my pocket, okay.

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Okay, let’s go. Let’s roll.

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[music]

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Every couple of years, I find
myself going back to Pennsylvania.

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Although my adoptive
parents are getting older,

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they don’t seem to change.

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There’s something reassuring about that.
But this visit feels different.

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This is the first time we’ve ever
really talked about the adoption.

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Ah… here’s a good one. It’s Ashok.

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Where do you think he would have been.
I’m going to say maybe five.

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Oh, yeah. So that… that
was two years then after…

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after we came. Or maybe a year. Yes, I
think he was four… going to be four.

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Um-hum… Um-hum… And I’m
sure yours is there.

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That’s your ornament. Lovely. Nice.

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Ha… what does this say? December 17, 1984.

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It’s one of the… it’s one of
the few survivors of this era…

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Yeah. Because of the medium.

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So what made you and dad decide to adopt. It’s
almost the same kind of question, why have children?

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Yeah. It’s something we always
talked about. We were people who

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wanted more children but we
also had a moral obligation

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not to overpopulate the world. The…
we thought that our parenting skills

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with Avery and Gretel were pretty good.

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We, ah… knew we could love.

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About two years after I was ordained, we were starting
to feel a little more financially secure like,

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hey, we can proceed with this now.
So we decided,

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well, we’d like to look into adoption. And,
you know, you hear the good and the bad

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and the… the extremes and also kind of stuff in between.
You figure you’re going to land pretty much in the middle

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and then in I guess it was
probably October of 81,

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the caseworker came to us and said,
\"We’ve got a couple of boys from Canada

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that we’d like you to think about.\"
This was an agency that specialized

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in adoptions for children who
might be in special needs,

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special cases, older children for one
thing. There were… it wasn’t easy to find

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placements for them, maybe sibling groups.

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And in that case, the boys
fit both of them, right,

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a little bit older and
a couple of brothers.

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They sent us your pictures. And
they were beautiful pictures.

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You were lying on the elbow like
this and Ashok was grinning

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and at that point it was pure
physical, what’s not to love.

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Yeah. And, umm… we got very excited
and you came for a week visit

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and it was just to see how things were.

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Yeah, I remember, umm… when you
guys came for that week and,

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you know, when you guys were… it was getting to where
you were leaving that was like, oh, they’re leaving,

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we… we were sad about it. I mean, we were
definitely excited about, you know, having brothers

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and I know that we thought it was pretty
neat that you were ethnically different,

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you know, and at the time I remember
learning as much as I could about

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the different types of backgrounds you had. And
we said, \"Hey, everything was going great.

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Looks like it’s a reasonably
good match and I don’t know,

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the caseworker must have asked you,
\"Do you guys want to go live here?\"

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And apparently the answer was yeah and so

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the arrangements were made for us to
travel to Winnipeg the end of February

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and to bring you back with
us the first week of March.

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When Bob and Tina came
up to Canada to get us,

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we had been in a foster home for two years.

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Our birth mother Margaret was an alcoholic
and was incapable of looking after us.

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I just have fragments of
memories from those early years.

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My mom passed out on the couch.

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Me trying to wake her.

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Having to change Ashok’s diaper because
there wasn’t anyone around to do it.

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But what I didn’t know until recently

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was that Margaret herself had spent some
time in foster care, having been sent away

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by her family when she was 11 years old.

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When I went to the foster
home, I started questioning,

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how come I was the only one.
And I always felt

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I was the black sheep of the
family, I don’t belong there.

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Why did you start drinking more.
The pain I was carrying,

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the broken past, you own
uncles used to molest us,

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sexually molest us and cousins raping,

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all that stuff was there.

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How much would you drink? Two
or three days at a time,

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thinking I can parent, I could be a mother

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at the same time. Then I had another son.

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Rakesh died while I was out drinking.

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Margaret left us in the
care of a babysitter

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while she went out on one of her binges.

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By the time she returned a couple days
later, our brother had been found dead

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at the bottom of a laundry chute.
He was 16 months old.

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Though I was there,

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I have no memory of that night.
No one knows what happened.

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No one was ever charged
with my brother’s death.

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While the inquest was on,
there was so much ugliness,

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everybody throwing dirt at me.

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Yes, I know, I was an alcoholic

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and I left… I left my kids

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while I was out drinking.
I would like to know

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what really happened. Am I
going to be allowed that

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on this earth?

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I don’t know. I just
live with it day to day

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and there’s just really nothing I can do.

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[sil.]

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I’m haunted by the legacy
of my biological family,

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Rakesh’s death, the alcoholism,

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the suffering and abuse.

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Needing to lay this legacy to rest,
I started looking for Margaret.

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I was 14 and suffocating

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under the weight of this past. I
had a lot of unanswered questions,

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questions which left me
feeling angry and depressed.

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Why had I been given up for adoption?

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Why was she an alcoholic?
Why did Rakesh die?

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I knew that my adoptive parents love me

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but I couldn’t accept their love
because there were things in my past

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that Bob and Tina knew nothing about.

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I felt like they couldn’t see the real me.

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Hoping that Margaret would be able
to understand my pain and confusion,

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I used information from the
adoption papers to find her.

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There was nothing about where
you guys were adopted,

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to who, nothing. So I had no idea

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where you guys were, until
that day you called.

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[sil.]

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I said, is it real?

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And I cried long after

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and some more after I got home.

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You never vocalized to me, I
want to reconnect with Margaret,

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you never vocalized that.
That was a bit of a surprise

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how that unfolded. And what
you used to love to do

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as a child, anything that 1800… 800
number you used to call them to see

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what you could get for free. You do that all
time and so when they said Sandy Bay Reservation

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and he’s looking for his mother,

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I thought you called like
Lake Tahoe for a reservation.

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I said, you know he’s only a kid and he always
calls this 1800 number. I’m his mother.

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This is the wrong… you know, he’s just joking, he
likes to call these numbers. No, this is Sandy Bay

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Indian Reservation, he’s looking for
his mother. And I said, I’m his…

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oh, he’s looking for his mother.

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Oh and I went well, I
don’t know where she is.

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Well, do you have a problem
with the mother contacting you

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and I’m there going, \"Well, no, she
can contact us.\" I didn’t… you know,

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this… things were happening very fast.
That evening

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Margaret called and said something
like, \"This is Margaret,

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I’m Curtis (inaudible) mother,
I want to talk to Curtis.\"

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And it was like you walked in the
door, I handed you the phone.

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And that’s how I knew you
were trying to contact her.

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Talking with Margaret after six years
was a tremendous moment for me.

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I was overcome with emotion believing that

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everything I thought was wrong with me would be
made right just by having her back in my life.

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I was really excited and happy and…

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but on the other side was not
knowing when am I going to see them

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or are they going to come home,
are they going to hate me

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or stuff like that. She was
anxious over the phone.

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She wanted to come right away
to Pennsylvania and see you

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that just didn’t…

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especially under the advice of the
counselors we were working with through the

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adoption agency, that wasn’t a
good advisable thing to do.

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There was a point where I was supposed to
go see you, right. I bought the bus ticket

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and I phoned.

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He said it would be okay for me to come up there and see you
guys. And when I phoned the day I was going to get on the bus,

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he said no. I decided not to ‘cause…

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and I thought, you nasty old bugger.

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Umm… I cried, I was mad

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and (inaudible).

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She had an interest in you. She had a parental
connection and she certainly… I could understand

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her desire to want to be with
you or for you to be with her.

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She maybe even felt that she
lost those parental rights

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in an unjustified way. I think I understand

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some of the psychological
issues better after hearing

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from the social workers and
others about that need to keep

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distinct the place of

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adoptive families versus
the biological family.

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[sil.]

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My brother and I were
able to resign ourselves

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to the fact that we would each
have to wait until we were 18

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to see her. Margaret on the other hand

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couldn’t seem to accept this.
Obviously Bob had to

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have made up his mind

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that I was native and he was
white and I found that he was…

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when I came across him, he was a
better parent because he was white,

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he was a Christian and I am

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a little low down because he didn’t
believe that people can sober up

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and stay sober and change.
That would really piss me off.

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And I guess I thought if I’d see
him across you, I’d strangle him.

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I’ll show him what the
fuck an Indian is about.

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You didn’t have any doubts in your mind
when Margaret entered the picture that,

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hmm… you know, she’s the birth mother

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and did you question yourself at all like,
do we have the right to keep the kids here.

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No because you’re mine.

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The day you walked off that airplane,
first time I set eyes on you,

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you’re mine, you’re my kid.
It is just like birth,

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it was just like it. When
you give birth to a baby

00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:24.999
and they put that baby in your
arms, it’s like this is my baby.

00:21:25.000 --> 00:21:29.999
When you walked off that
airplane, that’s my son.

00:21:30.000 --> 00:21:34.999
This is the camera.

00:21:35.000 --> 00:21:39.999
So I’m just going to take some shots.

00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.999
Kind of look reflective like that.
It does… that works as well.

00:21:45.000 --> 00:21:49.999
My parents knew of Margaret’s past

00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:54.999
and because they didn’t know for sure
if she was still the same person,

00:21:55.000 --> 00:21:59.999
they wanted to protect us.
But during the six years

00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:04.999
since the adoption, Margaret had
made profound changes in her life.

00:22:05.000 --> 00:22:09.999
I was on a drunk six weeks
straight at a time.

00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:14.999
I didn’t remember what month or what
day, just soak my socks off my feet.

00:22:15.000 --> 00:22:19.999
My hair hadn’t touched a comb

00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:24.999
in months or a year. I was living outside

00:22:25.000 --> 00:22:29.999
cardboard boxes, sleeping wherever I could

00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:34.999
find a place. But then I’m losing it,
I went crazy. Well, good, at least

00:22:35.000 --> 00:22:39.999
I don’t have to feel
anymore, I was so sick.

00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:44.999
I didn’t know where to turn.

00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.999
I didn’t want to live anymore so I
took a whole bunch of Valium pills.

00:22:50.000 --> 00:22:54.999
I ended up at St. Boniface Hospital.
They pumped… they pumped me out

00:22:55.000 --> 00:22:59.999
and that was it. I want to AA

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:04.999
three times a day, almost lived there.

00:23:05.000 --> 00:23:09.999
I had nowhere else to go.

00:23:10.000 --> 00:23:14.999
The first six months were dark
just like you’re in a dark hole,

00:23:15.000 --> 00:23:19.999
crawl… crawling out step by step.

00:23:20.000 --> 00:23:24.999
You slip back in emotionally and mentally,

00:23:25.000 --> 00:23:29.999
thinking you would never
see a brighter light.

00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:34.999
[sil.]

00:23:35.000 --> 00:23:39.999
For the first three years, I
learned nothing to do (inaudible),

00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:44.999
learn to live with people again,

00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:49.999
learn to speak,

00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:54.999
learn to be a… accept myself,

00:23:55.000 --> 00:23:59.999
learn to accept that I have
to live without alcohol.

00:24:00.000 --> 00:24:04.999
That is never going to be
part of my life again.

00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:09.999
Then as time goes on, have
dreams of your children

00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:14.999
talking to you. You feel
loneliness all over again.

00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:23.000
[music]

00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.999
Although Bob and Tina tried to do their
best in providing us with a safe

00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:39.999
and loving home, Ashok and I
seemed to carry the legacy

00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:44.999
of Margaret’s past with us.

00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:49.999
I internalized my feelings
of depression and alienation

00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:54.999
but Ashok, when he reached adolescence,
began acting out in disturbing ways.

00:24:55.000 --> 00:24:59.999
We often refer

00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:04.999
to the Ashok years. Those were
the years where Ashok was

00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:09.999
experimenting with sniffing
gasoline and other drugs and

00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:14.999
a very stressful time cause

00:25:15.000 --> 00:25:19.999
we didn’t know what to do with it. And
whenever we tried, it wasn’t working.

00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:24.999
I remember one time, I just talked
to mom about it this… this morning

00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:29.999
and I remember Ashok was
having a fight with mom

00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:34.999
and they were screaming
at each other and he had

00:25:35.000 --> 00:25:39.999
threatened saying that if I had a knife,
I’d kill you and with a whole lot of

00:25:40.000 --> 00:25:44.999
extra words in there, so.
What did you think, I mean…

00:25:45.000 --> 00:25:49.999
Ah… Right now, you know, looking at it
all in retrospect just a whole lot of

00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:54.999
anger and thoughts of how… how
dare you do this to your parents

00:25:55.000 --> 00:25:59.999
and eventually thinking how
dare you do this to my parents.

00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:04.999
And there were other unruly things
I said to be provocative but not…

00:26:05.000 --> 00:26:09.999
not because I meant it in my
heart, you know, it was more like

00:26:10.000 --> 00:26:14.999
how do these people deal with racism when I have to deal
with it every day at school but they have no solution for me

00:26:15.000 --> 00:26:19.999
on how to deal with this and kind of
don’t know how to deal with it with me

00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:24.999
you know because they’re white. One of my
impressions always of Ashok was that he was really

00:26:25.000 --> 00:26:29.999
the kind of person who could
make friends quickly and easily

00:26:30.000 --> 00:26:34.999
and had a wide array of friends
of different kinds of people

00:26:35.000 --> 00:26:39.999
and I just found kind of surprising
that he ended up being so…

00:26:40.000 --> 00:26:44.999
so much put on the defensive from a
racist… from some racist behaviors.

00:26:45.000 --> 00:26:49.999
I come home, (inaudible) not wanting
to say anything to anybody,

00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:54.999
not wanting to cry and feeling isolated and alone
and be like, hmm… how do I deal with this?

00:26:55.000 --> 00:26:59.999
And telling them, I remember them telling…
telling dad one day and him being,

00:27:00.000 --> 00:27:04.999
\"Oh, son, you’re overreacting.\"
Ah… I… I’d have to say that

00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:09.999
there was not much that that
we did overtly about it.

00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:14.999
And it might have been
due to the fact that…

00:27:15.000 --> 00:27:19.999
that maybe I didn’t understand
well what… what was going on,

00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:24.999
but I have to admit I never asked him
whether he wanted me to interfere.

00:27:25.000 --> 00:27:29.999
That why I don’t know.

00:27:30.000 --> 00:27:34.999
This is the house we lived in
when Ashok who was 13 at the time

00:27:35.000 --> 00:27:39.999
stole the family car with a friend.

00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.999
When they were caught in Maryland, my dad
thought it best to teach him a lesson

00:27:45.000 --> 00:27:49.999
by having him placed in juvenile detention.

00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:54.999
In the five years that followed,
his behavior became more extreme

00:27:55.000 --> 00:27:59.999
and he was institutionalized
close to a dozen times

00:28:00.000 --> 00:28:04.999
including a stay on a psych
ward after attempting suicide.

00:28:05.000 --> 00:28:09.999
I resented that my dad
saw Ashok’s increasingly

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:14.999
uncontrollable behavior as a
personal attack rather than a sign

00:28:15.000 --> 00:28:19.999
that there might be something
wrong with the family.

00:28:20.000 --> 00:28:24.999
We saw the issues as being
mostly, you have to

00:28:25.000 --> 00:28:29.999
stick with the roles of the
household and show respect

00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:34.999
and deal with things… and I
guess that was our perspective,

00:28:35.000 --> 00:28:39.999
that was what I had grown up… had to grow up with.
That’s what I figured he needed to grow up with too.

00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:44.999
I think my desire was to just
lay down the law and say,

00:28:45.000 --> 00:28:49.999
here are the consequences
of your actions, yeah.

00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:54.999
And… and it wasn’t too particularly

00:28:55.000 --> 00:28:59.999
successful either because
he continued to act

00:29:00.000 --> 00:29:04.999
out all the time. I remember him

00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:09.999
looking up to me and I remember him,

00:29:10.000 --> 00:29:14.999
you know, he was always there around
me and sometimes I really liked that

00:29:15.000 --> 00:29:19.999
and sometimes I… just felt invaded
and I didn’t want him around

00:29:20.000 --> 00:29:24.999
and… because there’s a time

00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:29.999
when I pushed him away. I don’t
think I was the best brother

00:29:30.000 --> 00:29:34.999
at times and I think I probably
showed him behaviors that he’s…

00:29:35.000 --> 00:29:39.999
he’s kind of taken and run with

00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:44.999
and I feel guilty over that.

00:29:45.000 --> 00:29:49.999
I feel guilty that I wasn’t there

00:29:50.000 --> 00:29:54.999
for him emotionally.

00:29:55.000 --> 00:30:03.000
[sil.]

00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:09.999
Hi. How’s it going. Good. Come on in.

00:30:10.000 --> 00:30:14.999
So how’s it going. Oh, not too bad.

00:30:15.000 --> 00:30:19.999
So that is the deer meat. Last
time I had it was like years ago.

00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:24.999
My grandfather was gross.

00:30:25.000 --> 00:30:29.999
You’ve been a spoilt white boy.
Where’d you learn this?

00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:34.999
I watch him. Yeah, watching TV. No.

00:30:35.000 --> 00:30:39.999
And human TV. Only that way
you learn to be Indian on TV.

00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:44.999
No, I was just kidding.

00:30:45.000 --> 00:30:49.999
Maybe you should move in with me
for a while. Oh, I don’t know.

00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:54.999
For Margaret, my coming back here meant

00:30:55.000 --> 00:30:59.999
I was choosing to embrace my native
heritage. But I don’t feel entitled to her

00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:04.999
Ojibwe traditions and ceremonies.
I often feel like an impostor

00:31:05.000 --> 00:31:09.999
and I’m not exactly sure what my
relationship to the culture is.

00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:14.999
My brother however

00:31:15.000 --> 00:31:19.999
doesn’t share my uncertainty.
Hello. Hey, how are you?

00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:24.999
The culture gives him a sense of identity
which he believes is rooted in his blood.

00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:29.999
This is birch, mix with the charcoal. It’ll
burn perfectly, anytime you ever want.

00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:34.999
And this is cedar mixed
with charcoal too. And…

00:31:35.000 --> 00:31:39.999
There was a lot of experience when I was
young between 13 and 15 with animals

00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:44.999
that I knew was way profound beyond

00:31:45.000 --> 00:31:49.999
what they were teaching me, what I could learn in school.
Stuff that people now describe to me as visions,

00:31:50.000 --> 00:31:54.999
there was something in my spirit and my heart
that was like, I’m so connected to nature

00:31:55.000 --> 00:31:59.999
in that there is a great potential
here to learn more about myself

00:32:00.000 --> 00:32:04.999
and to be myself even though I was living in a world
that was totally isolated from my native culture.

00:32:05.000 --> 00:32:09.999
It was naturally manifesting itself in my world
in a way that I couldn’t talk to people about.

00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:14.999
The reason I wanted that was
that when I came back here

00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:19.999
I would have something to give back to people who
survived the genocide and who had the bloodline

00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:24.999
that birthed me and that’s what I’m doing.
I made that dedication

00:32:25.000 --> 00:32:29.999
since I was 13 and you always asked me, why do you
take this so seriously and why is it so important.

00:32:30.000 --> 00:32:34.999
It wasn’t important to me, it
was important to my people.

00:32:35.000 --> 00:32:39.999
So what… what are those for?

00:32:40.000 --> 00:32:44.999
Oh, they’re different kinds of herbs.

00:32:45.000 --> 00:32:49.999
Well, how did he… how did it get them and
why did he… Why, he always picks them

00:32:50.000 --> 00:32:54.999
and he always shares with me
what he picks or what he gets.

00:32:55.000 --> 00:32:59.999
So sometimes I will use them.

00:33:00.000 --> 00:33:04.999
I wish I could share my brother’s belief in

00:33:05.000 --> 00:33:09.999
and enthusiasm for Ojibwe spirituality,
but at heart I’m not a believer.

00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:14.999
In fact, I don’t subscribe
to my adoptive family’s

00:33:15.000 --> 00:33:19.999
spiritual beliefs either.

00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:24.999
I can’t help but feel that the choice
he’s made to embrace the culture

00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:29.999
is a rejection of Bob and Tina. After all,

00:33:30.000 --> 00:33:34.999
he hasn’t seen them in eight years.
That’s a choice

00:33:35.000 --> 00:33:39.999
I’m not willing to make.

00:33:40.000 --> 00:33:44.999
I felt loved as a son cause they had me

00:33:45.000 --> 00:33:49.999
as a responsibility for so long,
but some of the ideologies

00:33:50.000 --> 00:33:54.999
and my visions and stuff, I don’t think
were always so highly respected a lot.

00:33:55.000 --> 00:33:59.999
They didn’t know anything about our culture. They don’t
know anything the way Ojibwe sound, (inaudible).

00:34:00.000 --> 00:34:08.000
[music]

00:34:10.000 --> 00:34:14.999
I thought to understand myself and create
an identity, to create a place for myself

00:34:15.000 --> 00:34:19.999
in this world. And I wish I could see that.

00:34:20.000 --> 00:34:24.999
[music]

00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:29.999
The question of where I belong

00:34:30.000 --> 00:34:34.999
started me on this journey, hoping to bring to
the surface things that have been left hidden

00:34:35.000 --> 00:34:39.999
and unresolved. It’s an attempt
to better understand myself

00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:44.999
and maybe integrate these
fragments into a whole,

00:34:45.000 --> 00:34:49.999
and now that the day of the meeting

00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:54.999
is actually here, I have no
idea what’s going to happen

00:34:55.000 --> 00:34:59.999
between my two families and how
this collision will affect me.

00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:04.999
[music]

00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:09.999
This is really a cool building.
Thunderbird.

00:35:10.000 --> 00:35:14.999
Although I don’t claim Ojibwe culture
as my own, I respect its rituals

00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:19.999
and practices and the role it plays
in Margaret’s and Ashok’s lives.

00:35:20.000 --> 00:35:24.999
Elder Clarence (inaudible)

00:35:25.000 --> 00:35:29.999
will help guide us through this experience.
This is Bob, my dad.

00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:34.999
Bob, pleased to meet you. Glad to meet you.
Nice to meet you, Tina. Tina.

00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:39.999
Yes, yes, great. Welcome. Thank you very
much. We’re excited about being here.

00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:44.999
[sil.]

00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:49.999
Hi. Good. Yeah?

00:35:50.000 --> 00:35:54.999
Yeah. How do you feel?
I’m nervous and anxious.

00:35:55.000 --> 00:35:59.999
Yeah. Let’s get it over with. You ready?

00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:04.999
Yeah. Yeah. Okay As ready as I’ll ever be.
Let’s do it.

00:36:05.000 --> 00:36:09.999
But it was a good experience, you know.

00:36:10.000 --> 00:36:14.999
[sil.]

00:36:15.000 --> 00:36:19.999
Hi. (inaudible).

00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:24.999
Thank you for watching over them for me.

00:36:25.000 --> 00:36:29.999
Thank you for letting me love them.
By the way, I’m Tina.

00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:34.999
I’m Margaret.

00:36:35.000 --> 00:36:39.999
(inaudible)

00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:44.999
It’s important to us.

00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:49.999
Wonderful to meet you. Thank you.
And welcome to Winnipeg. Thank you.

00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:54.999
You have her smile.
(inaudible) has a smile.

00:36:55.000 --> 00:36:59.999
I’m really actually. I
was nervous coming in.

00:37:00.000 --> 00:37:04.999
We’re very pleased. Me too.

00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:09.999
I’m so glad you said yes. What
we have here is, uh… sage,

00:37:10.000 --> 00:37:14.999
to cleanse yourself and the cedar is to

00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:19.999
cleanse the area of all
spirits, good and bad.

00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:24.999
A fresh start. Yeah a fresh start exactly.

00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:33.000
[sil.]

00:38:05.000 --> 00:38:09.999
I feel, uh… such an excitement,
but I also feel like

00:38:10.000 --> 00:38:14.999
there is an ending, there’s
a closing to something

00:38:15.000 --> 00:38:19.999
and an opening to something. I don’t know.
I can’t really explain

00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:24.999
a lot of things, just
emotions in the heart that

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:29.999
it can burst in happiness,
you can, I am just

00:38:30.000 --> 00:38:34.999
happy we’re all here today that
we can meet and no matter what

00:38:35.000 --> 00:38:39.999
the past to move on forward
with great friendship.

00:38:40.000 --> 00:38:44.999
Thank you for coming, it means a lot.

00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:53.000
[music]

00:39:35.000 --> 00:39:39.999
This is a spirit bowl, food
for the spirits because we…

00:39:40.000 --> 00:39:44.999
each time we sit to eat, it is just not us,

00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:49.999
you know, we also invite the spirits,
our grandfathers, our forefathers

00:39:50.000 --> 00:39:54.999
to come and join us, and this is the
food by which they… they… they share.

00:39:55.000 --> 00:40:03.000
[non-English narration]

00:40:25.000 --> 00:40:29.999
Now, we can eat.

00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:34.999
Of all the moose hunting I’ve ever, ever done, you know,
right from when I was a young man with my father, sir,

00:40:35.000 --> 00:40:39.999
I have yet to take the life… I’ve had
a lot of doubts that this meeting

00:40:40.000 --> 00:40:44.999
would actually take place,
but now that it’s happening

00:40:45.000 --> 00:40:49.999
I feel overwhelmed. It
brings a feeling of peace,

00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:54.999
of joy and a sense of possibility.

00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:59.999
It’s really important for me

00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:04.999
to have Tina and Margaret connect
on some level. Seeing them hug

00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:09.999
was amazing. I definitely
feel like there is something

00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:14.999
watching over us. I don’t want to
make it sound too supernatural,

00:41:15.000 --> 00:41:19.999
but it just seems like something has helped

00:41:20.000 --> 00:41:24.999
weave these loose ends together. Do we
know this guy. That’s my other son.

00:41:25.000 --> 00:41:29.999
Our other son.

00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:38.000
[sil.]

00:41:45.000 --> 00:41:49.999
Don’t make me cry.

00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:54.999
You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.

00:41:55.000 --> 00:41:59.999
[sil.]

00:42:00.000 --> 00:42:04.999
I’ve been waiting for this for so long.

00:42:05.000 --> 00:42:09.999
Hello, son.

00:42:10.000 --> 00:42:14.999
Hi, dad.

00:42:15.000 --> 00:42:19.999
So good to see you. Yeah,
it’s good to be seen.

00:42:20.000 --> 00:42:24.999
You look great. You know you look
fantastic. Is he allowed to eat with us?

00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:33.000
[music]

00:42:35.000 --> 00:42:39.999
As intense as this moment has been, it’s
really just the beginning of a week

00:42:40.000 --> 00:42:44.999
of getting to know each
other, at the end of which,

00:42:45.000 --> 00:42:49.999
we will all get a chance to express
ourselves in a sharing circle.

00:42:50.000 --> 00:42:58.000
[music]

00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:04.999
The next day, Margaret takes us out to
visit with her mom, my grandma, Flora,

00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:09.999
who lives in the small town of Gladstone.

00:43:10.000 --> 00:43:14.999
When I was in the foster home, they
had these, they call them shakers,

00:43:15.000 --> 00:43:19.999
and if we didn’t go to their ceremonies

00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:24.999
or their get-togethers, we couldn’t eat.

00:43:25.000 --> 00:43:29.999
You weren’t allowed to eat. We weren’t allowed to
eat. Because in the younger years when I was in…

00:43:30.000 --> 00:43:34.999
in Llangorse, we were
forced to go to catechism,

00:43:35.000 --> 00:43:39.999
and learn about god’s love, god’s this.

00:43:40.000 --> 00:43:44.999
If God loved us, why did we have
such a hard time in our life?

00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:49.999
I always felt, umm… the Bible was manmade,

00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:54.999
man written. It was. And each
group chooses to believe

00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:59.999
in their way of seeing it. They do.

00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:08.000
[sil.]

00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:14.999
Hello.

00:44:15.000 --> 00:44:19.999
Hi, remember me? Oh, yeah. (inaudible).

00:44:20.000 --> 00:44:24.999
Hello, my name is Tina.

00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:29.999
[non-English narration]

00:44:30.000 --> 00:44:34.999
You know who these guys are?

00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:39.999
They, uh… they raised me and Ashok.

00:44:40.000 --> 00:44:44.999
We were adopted down into Pennsylvania.

00:44:45.000 --> 00:44:49.999
Yeah, these are the people, they raised us.
My dad here, Bob, he is a pastor, a minister.

00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:54.999
This is the first time they
see an Indian grandma.

00:44:55.000 --> 00:44:59.999
But she’s still a young chick.

00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:04.999
Yes. They really don’t know (inaudible).
In their time,

00:45:05.000 --> 00:45:09.999
adoption was leaving the kid at
the door in a basket or a box.

00:45:10.000 --> 00:45:14.999
Okay. That’s what they did
to both grandchildren,

00:45:15.000 --> 00:45:19.999
Curtis’ grandparents. Oh, really? Yeah.
They were both found at the doorsteps.

00:45:20.000 --> 00:45:24.999
Interesting. Do you remember at all
these before me and Ashok went away?

00:45:25.000 --> 00:45:33.000
[non-English narration]

00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:44.999
I left the two with her

00:45:45.000 --> 00:45:49.999
and they came and got you guys.

00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:54.999
Who came and got us? (inaudible).

00:45:55.000 --> 00:45:59.999
Did you know they were going to come, did they tell
you? No. No. They just showed up and took the children.

00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:04.999
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We even tried
to get them to place you guys

00:46:05.000 --> 00:46:09.999
with family but they wouldn’t go for that
either. Bob and Tina took care of us

00:46:10.000 --> 00:46:14.999
and there’s one do you know that we want
to a good home and we were looked after?

00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:19.999
When the boys were in our
house and till today,

00:46:20.000 --> 00:46:24.999
we always gave them love. Bottom line,

00:46:25.000 --> 00:46:29.999
no matter what, always love. From
the first time we put our eyes,

00:46:30.000 --> 00:46:34.999
we saw them, instant love.

00:46:35.000 --> 00:46:39.999
She understands that, yeah.

00:46:40.000 --> 00:46:48.000
[sil.]

00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:54.999
Margaret grew up in a two-bedroom house in
Llangorse with 10 brothers and sisters.

00:46:55.000 --> 00:46:59.999
Five years ago, the house burned down.

00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:08.000
[sil.]

00:47:15.000 --> 00:47:19.999
With lot of memories that
come with coming back here.

00:47:20.000 --> 00:47:24.999
As were growing up those times
we had to look after ourselves,

00:47:25.000 --> 00:47:29.999
cook ourselves and survive on our own

00:47:30.000 --> 00:47:34.999
while parents were out drinking

00:47:35.000 --> 00:47:39.999
or when sometimes when they had visitors from the
reserve, everybody would party, bring beer in.

00:47:40.000 --> 00:47:44.999
Big, big party, Yeah, so.

00:47:45.000 --> 00:47:49.999
Is that the kind of circumstances that sometimes lead
to you having to live in the foster care or was that.

00:47:50.000 --> 00:47:54.999
Yeah and also I was stubborn.

00:47:55.000 --> 00:47:59.999
You are stubborn. Yeah, I didn’t…
So you didn’t always have a good…

00:48:00.000 --> 00:48:04.999
good working relationship with the folks. No, no.
Sounds familiar to me. I’ve heard that before.

00:48:05.000 --> 00:48:09.999
I know kids do that. What I was
fighting for was my own identity,

00:48:10.000 --> 00:48:14.999
but it was taken as a negativeness.

00:48:15.000 --> 00:48:19.999
Yeah, well, it’s not how we do that

00:48:20.000 --> 00:48:24.999
because we don’t, especially if parents
don’t know how to encourage independence

00:48:25.000 --> 00:48:29.999
and encourage searching and thinking

00:48:30.000 --> 00:48:34.999
and working it through and, you
know, often parents want things

00:48:35.000 --> 00:48:39.999
not to be different, not to be, you know, you
have to be like this, you can’t be like that.

00:48:40.000 --> 00:48:44.999
And I was one that I
couldn’t be no matter what.

00:48:45.000 --> 00:48:49.999
I was whipped with a (inaudible)
stick, I still couldn’t be

00:48:50.000 --> 00:48:54.999
(inaudible) couldn’t hide.

00:48:55.000 --> 00:48:59.999
How does it feel for you to come back here? It’s
hard. There are some things I can’t share with you,

00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:04.999
I don’t share with anybody.
Some memories are very hard,

00:49:05.000 --> 00:49:09.999
but I have to live with it

00:49:10.000 --> 00:49:14.999
because I’m not ready for it, I
have put some of it up already,

00:49:15.000 --> 00:49:19.999
but deep inside it’s

00:49:20.000 --> 00:49:24.999
not ready to be shared.

00:49:25.000 --> 00:49:29.999
There are a lot of good
times and lot of bad times.

00:49:30.000 --> 00:49:38.000
[music]

00:49:55.000 --> 00:49:59.999
Come on, somebody throw her in.

00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.999
Remember to take off your socks.

00:50:05.000 --> 00:50:09.999
[music]

00:50:10.000 --> 00:50:14.999
This is (inaudible) take off the socks. She didn’t say can
you take off your socks, she said, \"Curtis, throw Tina in.\"

00:50:15.000 --> 00:50:23.000
[music]

00:50:35.000 --> 00:50:39.999
What do you think of Margaret? Has a lot of
courage to talk about what she’s talking about.

00:50:40.000 --> 00:50:44.999
Hope you guys know that this is
an opportunity for you guys too

00:50:45.000 --> 00:50:49.999
to share your (inaudible). Yeah.

00:50:50.000 --> 00:50:54.999
(inaudible) as people.

00:50:55.000 --> 00:50:59.999
You feel we haven’t talked
too much about it. No.

00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:04.999
Part of it to me feeling (inaudible)

00:51:05.000 --> 00:51:09.999
letting her say what she
needs to say and I really…

00:51:10.000 --> 00:51:14.999
it feels like, you know,
I’m the guest too here,

00:51:15.000 --> 00:51:19.999
really embracing that, just listening
to everything that she has to say

00:51:20.000 --> 00:51:24.999
about her life and her way and
learn from what she has to say.

00:51:25.000 --> 00:51:29.999
And I’m really glad that we’re

00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:34.999
all able to come and visit her.

00:51:35.000 --> 00:51:39.999
Things don’t come together very
easy after adoption happens

00:51:40.000 --> 00:51:44.999
and I can understand why.

00:51:45.000 --> 00:51:49.999
Sharing… sharing your children,
and how they raised you

00:51:50.000 --> 00:51:54.999
and I think the biggest
part is I always felt

00:51:55.000 --> 00:51:59.999
you’re my blood sons and nobody
else can put that claim on you.

00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:04.999
And that’s a big issue. It kind
of bothered me at the beginning

00:52:05.000 --> 00:52:09.999
when they kept saying my sons,

00:52:10.000 --> 00:52:14.999
just because you give them life a little
bit, doesn’t mean that you can claim them

00:52:15.000 --> 00:52:19.999
as your sons because
that’s selfish thinking

00:52:20.000 --> 00:52:24.999
and I know it in my heart. I’m also very
thankful like that you guys were safe

00:52:25.000 --> 00:52:29.999
and came back safe. You
were protected by them

00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:34.999
and directed by them and
I understand that today

00:52:35.000 --> 00:52:39.999
(inaudible).

00:52:40.000 --> 00:52:48.000
[sil.]

00:52:50.000 --> 00:52:54.999
One of the things that made

00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:59.999
to have them issues when I was 18 or 19

00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:04.999
and unresolved from leaving their
house in the way that I did

00:53:05.000 --> 00:53:09.999
in leaving the stage that doesn’t seem…

00:53:10.000 --> 00:53:14.999
I don’t see much of that,
it’s not registering with me.

00:53:15.000 --> 00:53:19.999
Some of the things I needed
to resolve with them,

00:53:20.000 --> 00:53:24.999
it’s all out of the window
there as soon as I saw them.

00:53:25.000 --> 00:53:29.999
It was just like, to hell with it,
I don’t really care, you know.

00:53:30.000 --> 00:53:34.999
It feels great to be able to see them
again, just to see them, to hug them,

00:53:35.000 --> 00:53:39.999
to be in their lives again.

00:53:40.000 --> 00:53:44.999
I just noticed that you didn’t talk to…
to Bob and Tina for eight years or so,

00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:49.999
there’s a reason for that distance,
yeah and order if you want.

00:53:50.000 --> 00:53:54.999
What do you think it is?
What do you think it is?

00:53:55.000 --> 00:53:59.999
I don’t know what it is.

00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:04.999
Exactly, I don’t want to get into it, if I don’t want to get into it and say it then why do you keep
asking? I don’t want to get into it, that’s as simple as it gets, Curtis. And what I’m trying to get is,

00:54:05.000 --> 00:54:09.999
is there something that was going on for you
as a teenager that created that distance.

00:54:10.000 --> 00:54:14.999
No, the thing that I was going through as a
teenager was really struggling with my identity

00:54:15.000 --> 00:54:19.999
and struggling with the fact that I was highly
gifted and growing up with the racism was tough,

00:54:20.000 --> 00:54:24.999
but it made me tough as hell. I mean
I can take a beating and keep on…

00:54:25.000 --> 00:54:29.999
keep on ticking, you know. And I mean that… I mean
that’s what I’ve been fighting most of my life

00:54:30.000 --> 00:54:34.999
is that hatred towards us, man, you
know, just for being brown, being made.

00:54:35.000 --> 00:54:39.999
I was gifted man and that was
the way it was. I knew it,

00:54:40.000 --> 00:54:44.999
but the rest of the world beat me down saying that
you’re chump, I thought about it, man. It was like

00:54:45.000 --> 00:54:49.999
I should have been in a school for gifted
children, I should not have been in

00:54:50.000 --> 00:54:54.999
Eugenia Hospital, you know. It may
have been a more positive thing.

00:54:55.000 --> 00:54:59.999
They could have tested me out and I would put
my skills to work and I had to wrestle with

00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.999
how am I going to use this and
that’s why I’m here. I’m going to…

00:55:05.000 --> 00:55:13.000
[music]

00:55:15.000 --> 00:55:19.999
After several days together,

00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:24.999
we all need a little breathing room.

00:55:25.000 --> 00:55:29.999
There are a lot of impressions
flooding through me.

00:55:30.000 --> 00:55:34.999
It’s hard to sort them all out.

00:55:35.000 --> 00:55:39.999
And bringing my two families together,
it seems like parts of myself

00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:44.999
are coming into focus.
I see the myriad ways

00:55:45.000 --> 00:55:49.999
in which I’m not Indian, yet, I’m surprised
to feel such a strong affinity with Margaret,

00:55:50.000 --> 00:55:54.999
maybe it’s because her life

00:55:55.000 --> 00:55:59.999
and struggle somehow seem more real, but I’ve
become aware of annoying self-consciousness

00:56:00.000 --> 00:56:04.999
of my white middle class upbringing.

00:56:05.000 --> 00:56:09.999
At the back of my mind, I keep thinking
if my parents approve of Margaret,

00:56:10.000 --> 00:56:14.999
I can move forward and embrace
the Indian part of me more fully

00:56:15.000 --> 00:56:19.999
and maybe if Margaret approves
of my adoptive parents,

00:56:20.000 --> 00:56:24.999
it will validate this in-between
place where I find myself,

00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:29.999
but it really feels good to have
both families here together,

00:56:30.000 --> 00:56:34.999
to have my two moms getting
to know each other.

00:56:35.000 --> 00:56:39.999
I’m hoping that everyone
will take the opportunity

00:56:40.000 --> 00:56:44.999
of the sharing circle to create something
lasting and substantial between us.

00:56:45.000 --> 00:56:53.000
[music]

00:56:55.000 --> 00:56:59.999
Good morning, (inaudible) Hotel.

00:57:00.000 --> 00:57:04.999
Yeah, good morning. Can I
have room 1707, please?

00:57:05.000 --> 00:57:09.999
Hello. Hi, honey! It’s your mummy. Hi there, I’ve
been… yeah, I’m trying to call. Yeah, I wasn’t sure

00:57:10.000 --> 00:57:14.999
if you’re around or you’re on the phone.
So you’re in the mood for some company.

00:57:15.000 --> 00:57:19.999
I am, yeah. Do you have a big bow around?
I don’t have a big bow, but

00:57:20.000 --> 00:57:24.999
What about an old sock? I have an old sock.
Okay. So you know where I live.

00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:29.999
It’s just down the street from you guys.
Yep. Apartment 15,

00:57:30.000 --> 00:57:34.999
here we are. I can’t see you.

00:57:35.000 --> 00:57:39.999
Come in, so this is my main area.

00:57:40.000 --> 00:57:44.999
(inaudible). Oh! Excuse me, son.

00:57:45.000 --> 00:57:49.999
Okay. Nice kitty.

00:57:50.000 --> 00:57:54.999
You’re my grand cat. Yes.
Oh, this had died,

00:57:55.000 --> 00:57:59.999
it’s not a dive. No. well, it’s small.
It’s, you know, cramped.

00:58:00.000 --> 00:58:04.999
You’re one person. Yeah.
I’ll just throw it up here.

00:58:05.000 --> 00:58:09.999
And Margaret’s kind of told you her story

00:58:10.000 --> 00:58:14.999
and I don’t know exactly what your response is to that.
One part of her story, I can’t remember what she said,

00:58:15.000 --> 00:58:19.999
but in my mind,

00:58:20.000 --> 00:58:24.999
it cemented,

00:58:25.000 --> 00:58:29.999
the adoption.

00:58:30.000 --> 00:58:34.999
I said to myself, \"Oh, yeah, this
is the right thing for me to do.\"

00:58:35.000 --> 00:58:39.999
Not that I ever doubt it, I never
doubted it, but something she said,

00:58:40.000 --> 00:58:44.999
it’s like, I’m really glad, I was there.
I am really glad,

00:58:45.000 --> 00:58:49.999
I said yes. I’m really glad, I did what I
did. What are you thinking about tonight

00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:54.999
or this sharing circle?
Not a hundred percent

00:58:55.000 --> 00:58:59.999
sure what to expect, but when I’m hearing
from it, I’m probably out of my comfort zone

00:59:00.000 --> 00:59:04.999
with regard to this. I could
talk to you about anything,

00:59:05.000 --> 00:59:09.999
I could talk maybe even one-on-one,
but having an audience,

00:59:10.000 --> 00:59:14.999
you know, if Margaret and I were in a
room, I’d be much more comfortable

00:59:15.000 --> 00:59:19.999
than all these eyes and all these
other people listening in.

00:59:20.000 --> 00:59:24.999
[music]

00:59:25.000 --> 00:59:29.999
The intent here is to hear some feelings

00:59:30.000 --> 00:59:34.999
that you have about what’s happened
to you, you know, and it’s been

00:59:35.000 --> 00:59:39.999
30 some odd years this thing has been
going on and you may find some resolution

00:59:40.000 --> 00:59:44.999
and then again you may not,

00:59:45.000 --> 00:59:49.999
but that’s entirely up to you.
You come here with an open mind

00:59:50.000 --> 00:59:54.999
and an open heart and we
all come here as friends

00:59:55.000 --> 00:59:59.999
and we should all leave here as friends.

01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.999
So now, I’m going to pass it on to Curtis.

01:00:05.000 --> 01:00:09.999
I’m extremely obliged to you

01:00:10.000 --> 01:00:14.999
Clarence for helping us here today.

01:00:15.000 --> 01:00:19.999
I feel good about… of
this whole experience.

01:00:20.000 --> 01:00:24.999
It’s one thing to kind of conceive
doing and it’s another think actually,

01:00:25.000 --> 01:00:29.999
you know, bring about

01:00:30.000 --> 01:00:34.999
and there were times when I was

01:00:35.000 --> 01:00:39.999
pretty scared, you know, and I hope
that we’ve been able to kind of,

01:00:40.000 --> 01:00:44.999
you know, be open to…

01:00:45.000 --> 01:00:49.999
to this experience and to take
what we need to take away from it.

01:00:50.000 --> 01:00:54.999
It was never meant as a
test or anything like that.

01:00:55.000 --> 01:00:59.999
I saw it as a an opportunity.

01:01:00.000 --> 01:01:04.999
Words cannot describe how it is to

01:01:05.000 --> 01:01:09.999
take your heart out and
give it away for a while.

01:01:10.000 --> 01:01:14.999
In order for these two to survive

01:01:15.000 --> 01:01:19.999
that’s what I had to do, and then there was

01:01:20.000 --> 01:01:24.999
time I was supposed to
go and visit my boys,

01:01:25.000 --> 01:01:29.999
I had the ticket ready
and I got extra money.

01:01:30.000 --> 01:01:34.999
I phoned, everything is okay
and then I phoned the night

01:01:35.000 --> 01:01:39.999
before I was leaving and Bob,

01:01:40.000 --> 01:01:44.999
he said I couldn’t come
and that shattered me.

01:01:45.000 --> 01:01:49.999
If I would have made it to the states, you
would have been a dead man. They have to think

01:01:50.000 --> 01:01:54.999
what made you judge me that

01:01:55.000 --> 01:01:59.999
I couldn’t come and see my boys after all
these years. I was searching for them.

01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:04.999
And who’s god that you’re following

01:02:05.000 --> 01:02:09.999
to not let me come. Today, Bob,

01:02:10.000 --> 01:02:14.999
I understand that you had to protect him,

01:02:15.000 --> 01:02:19.999
that you would thought that they
were going to be yours forever.

01:02:20.000 --> 01:02:24.999
Today, I am here Bob to forgive you for
that pain you instilled in my heart

01:02:25.000 --> 01:02:29.999
so sharply.

01:02:30.000 --> 01:02:34.999
And Curtis, and I told you with your heart

01:02:35.000 --> 01:02:39.999
I’ve long to get to know
me and your family,

01:02:40.000 --> 01:02:44.999
but those barriers that are keeping
you, I am totally giving your heart

01:02:45.000 --> 01:02:49.999
to us and believing in us.
Yes, couple of times I thought

01:02:50.000 --> 01:02:54.999
maybe you were better off where they are,
you already learnt to live that way,

01:02:55.000 --> 01:02:59.999
they don’t want to be needed,
they want to be there,

01:03:00.000 --> 01:03:04.999
I can live with that. You both are men now,

01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:09.999
not little boys now. I really don’t
have to do anything anymore,

01:03:10.000 --> 01:03:14.999
just be part of your life as you want me
to be, but I’m there if you want to talk,

01:03:15.000 --> 01:03:19.999
I’m there if you need me, and I
leave you on to the greatest love

01:03:20.000 --> 01:03:24.999
(inaudible).

01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:29.999
I find you,

01:03:30.000 --> 01:03:34.999
Margaret, a woman of great courage,

01:03:35.000 --> 01:03:39.999
great courage to have the foresight to say,

01:03:40.000 --> 01:03:44.999
it’s not safe how I am with my boys.

01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:49.999
As a mother, I cannot
imag… imagine your pain,

01:03:50.000 --> 01:03:54.999
I cannot. When Curtis said, yes,

01:03:55.000 --> 01:03:59.999
Margaret will be part of
this, I was delighted.

01:04:00.000 --> 01:04:04.999
When you embraced me,

01:04:05.000 --> 01:04:09.999
whatever concerns I had,
whatever nervousness

01:04:10.000 --> 01:04:14.999
I had evaporated

01:04:15.000 --> 01:04:19.999
when we first met and we hugged.
This has been

01:04:20.000 --> 01:04:24.999
a tremendous honor and a blessing for me,

01:04:25.000 --> 01:04:29.999
I’m just a mom.

01:04:30.000 --> 01:04:34.999
That’s all I am in this, just a mom, who
loves her kids, who wipe their noses,

01:04:35.000 --> 01:04:39.999
who hugged them, who taught them, who
when they said they were going to Canada,

01:04:40.000 --> 01:04:44.999
took a deep breath and wondered
will I ever see them again.

01:04:45.000 --> 01:04:49.999
So not exactly what you felt,
a little bit will I ever

01:04:50.000 --> 01:04:54.999
see them again.

01:04:55.000 --> 01:04:59.999
Coming back was joyful
and hard for both boys

01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:04.999
and both of them I’m sure
love the relationship

01:05:05.000 --> 01:05:09.999
they have with you know and
want more because if not

01:05:10.000 --> 01:05:14.999
this wouldn’t happen.

01:05:15.000 --> 01:05:19.999
You will always be their mother, no matter what.
I’ll always be their mother, no matter what.

01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:24.999
You’ll always love them, no matter what.
I’ll always love them, no matter what.

01:05:25.000 --> 01:05:29.999
Seeing these boys again always
puts my heart in a right place,

01:05:30.000 --> 01:05:34.999
puts my mind and spirit in a right place.

01:05:35.000 --> 01:05:39.999
[sil.]

01:05:40.000 --> 01:05:44.999
Well, before I start off with the
thing, everybody that is here,

01:05:45.000 --> 01:05:49.999
I want you to know that I love you very
much. I tell people about you guys a lot.

01:05:50.000 --> 01:05:54.999
Your love and patience for me

01:05:55.000 --> 01:05:59.999
is only the greatest gifts you can ever give me, you
know. I mean… I said… I do sit on some guilt about

01:06:00.000 --> 01:06:04.999
some of the horrible things I’ve said to you,
you would never deserve to hear these things

01:06:05.000 --> 01:06:09.999
and I have yelled at you, I have
been mean and cruel, but I love you

01:06:10.000 --> 01:06:14.999
and I’ve learned a lot from what you taught
me and who you allowed me to be, you know.

01:06:15.000 --> 01:06:19.999
You’re my family and now
I have a better sense

01:06:20.000 --> 01:06:24.999
of my identity, what I belong
to, my role in my community.

01:06:25.000 --> 01:06:29.999
I’m happy with the decisions that I’ve
made that have led to this, you know,

01:06:30.000 --> 01:06:34.999
you’d be giving us up and there was no way I could have grown
up here in Winnipeg, I would have been dead by now, guaranteed.

01:06:35.000 --> 01:06:39.999
I could not have survived here
with the character of who I am

01:06:40.000 --> 01:06:44.999
and what I’ve going through. I know I could have not have survived
here, no way. I mean, I thought I’d have a bunch of issues

01:06:45.000 --> 01:06:49.999
that I’d have to say from the
past but when I think about it,

01:06:50.000 --> 01:06:54.999
it was worth it, all of it was worth
it for me to become who I am today.

01:06:55.000 --> 01:06:59.999
And it’s good to see you all.
That’s about it for me.

01:07:00.000 --> 01:07:04.999
[sil.]

01:07:05.000 --> 01:07:09.999
Clarence, thank you. Thank you for

01:07:10.000 --> 01:07:14.999
presiding with us, for helping to lead us.

01:07:15.000 --> 01:07:19.999
Ashok, I forgive you for being an angry

01:07:20.000 --> 01:07:24.999
and frustrated young man because
we couldn’t prevent that.

01:07:25.000 --> 01:07:29.999
You know, I believed it was part
of trying to offer you boundaries

01:07:30.000 --> 01:07:34.999
because so much of what you were

01:07:35.000 --> 01:07:39.999
experimenting with was so destructive
and hurtful. And we had to say,

01:07:40.000 --> 01:07:44.999
these are boundaries you cannot
cross because we love you

01:07:45.000 --> 01:07:49.999
and I hope that you as well
can forgive us for being

01:07:50.000 --> 01:07:54.999
sometimes stern and tough.

01:07:55.000 --> 01:07:59.999
Margaret, our intention was not

01:08:00.000 --> 01:08:04.999
to judge you or to hurt you,
we relied on the advice

01:08:05.000 --> 01:08:09.999
and direction of some who
felt they knew what was best

01:08:10.000 --> 01:08:14.999
and we… we cannot change that past,

01:08:15.000 --> 01:08:19.999
we can take what we have now

01:08:20.000 --> 01:08:24.999
and make it good and I really appreciate

01:08:25.000 --> 01:08:29.999
greatly

01:08:30.000 --> 01:08:34.999
your openness and willingness to take this,

01:08:35.000 --> 01:08:39.999
to move to forgiveness from
what you had felt before.

01:08:40.000 --> 01:08:44.999
I have learned a lot in
these last several days,

01:08:45.000 --> 01:08:49.999
from Clarence, from you.

01:08:50.000 --> 01:08:54.999
As I take each day as a day to learn,

01:08:55.000 --> 01:08:59.999
I look forward to what I
learn the rest of this day.

01:09:00.000 --> 01:09:04.999
A lot of good words.

01:09:05.000 --> 01:09:09.999
I see hope, open mindedness,

01:09:10.000 --> 01:09:14.999
love, but most importantly, you know,

01:09:15.000 --> 01:09:19.999
to have a family come together like this,
to be able to say the things that…

01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:24.999
that I’ve heard here.

01:09:25.000 --> 01:09:29.999
And to be able to sit there and…
and take those, that’s love.

01:09:30.000 --> 01:09:34.999
And there is no question about that.

01:09:35.000 --> 01:09:39.999
And I’m really honored I
am part of this process,

01:09:40.000 --> 01:09:44.999
being seeing this. I want to
thank each and every one of you.

01:09:45.000 --> 01:09:49.999
So this is the end right here
and carry it and go back.

01:09:50.000 --> 01:09:54.999
What am I going to do with this?

01:09:55.000 --> 01:10:03.000
[music]

01:10:30.000 --> 01:10:34.999
It was good to see you, mom. Thank you.
It was wonderful to see you.

01:10:35.000 --> 01:10:39.999
(inaudible).

01:10:40.000 --> 01:10:44.999
It was good to see you, dad.

01:10:45.000 --> 01:10:49.999
Oh, it was good to have you here.

01:10:50.000 --> 01:10:54.999
[sil.]

01:10:55.000 --> 01:10:59.999
This is wonderful.

01:11:00.000 --> 01:11:04.999
Good having you here.

01:11:05.000 --> 01:11:09.999
You did… you did great. Great
event all year around.

01:11:10.000 --> 01:11:18.000
[music]

01:11:25.000 --> 01:11:29.999
This experience has brought me

01:11:30.000 --> 01:11:34.999
the closest I’ve ever
been to Ojibwa culture.

01:11:35.000 --> 01:11:39.999
And I have a deeper appreciation
of what that world has to offer.

01:11:40.000 --> 01:11:44.999
But bringing my two families
together hasn’t created

01:11:45.000 --> 01:11:49.999
the larger family I wanted.
Margaret having met Bob and Tina

01:11:50.000 --> 01:11:54.999
isn’t really interested in pursuing
that relationship further.

01:11:55.000 --> 01:11:59.999
For her, this meeting has been enough.

01:12:00.000 --> 01:12:04.999
And Ashok’s still doesn’t have much
to do with our adoptive parents.

01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:09.999
Seeing them all together though

01:12:10.000 --> 01:12:14.999
has brought about a little clarity for me.

01:12:15.000 --> 01:12:19.999
For one thing, adoption saved my life.

01:12:20.000 --> 01:12:24.999
Sure it gave me a sense of
dislocation, but for the first time

01:12:25.000 --> 01:12:29.999
I realized that maybe this
isn’t such a bad thing.

01:12:30.000 --> 01:12:34.999
Through the willingness of both families to
overlook their differences and meet for my sake,

01:12:35.000 --> 01:12:39.999
I can see that their love is there

01:12:40.000 --> 01:12:44.999
and that’s something I
wasn’t always able to see.

01:12:45.000 --> 01:12:49.999
My life has been shaped
by these two families,

01:12:50.000 --> 01:12:54.999
by their two worlds, but
I choose not to let

01:12:55.000 --> 01:12:59.999
either one completely define me.

01:13:00.000 --> 01:13:05.000
[sil.]